Operations Staff Cheats, Red Bulls Win 2-0

• Scott Tann
• Sun Apr 6 2008, 4:23pm GMT

Fair Challenge has learned that members of the New York Red Bulls staff conspired, in the words of an anonymous source, to "confuse, disorient, and baffle" the visiting Columbus Crew, allowing the home team to capture a season-opening victory last night.

According to the source, Red Bull operations staff created different schedules for the two teams. The first, containing the official time of kick-off, was posted inside the New York locker room.

The second, inaccurate schedule was posted in the Columbus locker room.

"It was like, really weird," said one embarrassed Crew player who preferred that Fair Challenge not use his name. "I saw the kick-off time for 7:58 and I was all, 'What?'"

On their operational schedules, teams normally add six or seven minutes to the official kick-off time to allow for photographs, announcements, and ceremonies. Games listed as 7:30pm on calendars actually start at 7:36 or 7:37pm.

The 7:58 time on the schedule posted in the visitors' locker room led the Crew to believe that the game actually started twenty-two minutes later than the official time.

Consequently, from the supposed "opening whistle," the Crew allowed the Red Bulls time and space to move the ball as they wished. They laid off the Red Bulls so much, in fact, that midfielder Dave Van den Bergh scored in 46 seconds.

"You know, it was really strange," said the embarrassed Crew player. "They had some special game going on, and when we went out onto the field, Giants Stadium looked pretty much empty. So we thought the later time was right."

"It worked perfectly," said the Red Bull source with a smirk usually seen on a lobbyist after ramming a special-interest bill through Congress. "We used the whole charity match thing to add to the confusion."

When asked why the Crew lined up on either side of the stripe for a kick-off, the Columbus player laughed. "We all feel so stupid now," he said. "But at the time it sort of made sense. Someone said that it was a new thing the Red Bulls were trying out this year.

"The way they explained it to us was that it's like tennis, when two players warm up by hitting balls back and forth to each other before the 'real' match starts. We were like, 'OK, I guess we'll try it.' So when Berghie hit that bomb, we all go, 'Nice shot.' But we kind of thought he was being a dick for showing off."

The Crew player said that he and his teammates began to feel duped after the host's second goal. "We're sitting there waiting for them to put the ball in, and they start pushing and shoving like it's a game. We're like, 'Huh?'

"They threw down Chaddy (Crew defender Chad Marshall) and scored, and Frankie's all, 'This is bull****, these guys are playing for real.' The ref didn't call the foul, so we thought it couldn't be the real game. I mean, you just don't throw down a guy like Chaddy without getting a whistle. So we really weren't sure what was going on.

"But then the dude who runs all the scheduling stuff was shaking his head on the sideline like, 'Nope, the game doesn't start until 7:58.' So we played at half-speed. Well, more like 60%, because they were p***ing us off.

"About twenty-two or twenty-three minutes in, we started playing for real. Go back and watch the tape," said the player.

He then made air quotes with his fingers. "We really started to play at the 'official' time. We harassed them, we anticipated the next ball, we were running, we attacked with a purpose. You know, we played like a professional soccer team. I thought we did well."

Asked if the schedule shenanigans will continue throughout the 2008 campaign, the Red Bull staff member shook his head. "Other teams will read this interview," he said. "So I can't speculate to that.

"All I can say is it was a resounding success, and the fans went home happy. Columbus came out and clearly played as if they were still warming up," he said with a chuckle. "In fact, after the first goal, we heard their 'keeper yelling at the ref to put the scoreboard back to 0-0. He thought it didn't count."

Fair Challenge has contacted MLS headquarters and is awaiting comment from Commissioner Garber.

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